Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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