First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
