i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
