i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
