I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
