a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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