Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Can I color on your dick again?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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