It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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