I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
