ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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