U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
either way he was missing a nipple.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
