she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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