he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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