it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Randomize
