16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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