I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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