Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
