Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
