worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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