i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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