I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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