there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize