At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
