Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize