That's intense
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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