well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
