I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
