He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
