Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
