So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize