take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
