Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
