Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
