Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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