Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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