I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize