Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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