Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
