sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
