I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
