Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
