that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
