Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
