I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
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