so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
