So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
