i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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