went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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