Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
