Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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