If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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