I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You are the jesus of drinking
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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