your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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