North Korea, Best Korea!
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize