Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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