ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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