When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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