Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
