During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
