Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
