On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He passed out mid-signature
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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